To be sure, the next thing I knew I was in a tailspin, and everything was unraveling quickly. Granted, I had not lost a pound to date, although my pants were certainly looser. (I always do have more luck measuring with size than scale.) But that is just one of the reasons I considered to blame for my loss of control. Here are a few others:
1. My hamstring was imflamed--again. Every time I really engage in body-changing exercise, my hamstring protests. This time was no different. The chiropractor told me it was time to back off, so there went my running, training for a triathlon this summer.
2. The cyst on my tailbone became inflamed. Seriously. I know, you're thinking, who has that?! Well, I do. It first flared up when I was 19 and in basic training, doing like a thousand situps, old-school style, every day. I never had it removed, so here it is again. Oh, the joys of exercising like you mean it!
3. So, now I can only sit on the right side of my bum. That doesn't not make for a great work situation in front of a computer. I work on a computer minimum 4 hr/day.
4. Stress. Bob's income fluctuates so much, and well, let's just say it was really "down" time. Hard.
5. My daughter wanted to have our mommy/daughter ice cream date I had been promising. Do you know how many calories are in a pint of Ben and Jerry's? Oh, what a BAD choice that was!
By this point, I was pretty much making bad decisions each day. there seemed to be no way out. Ah, but it gets worse.
6. We watch a documentary on diet, and while it confirmed much of what I have heard in the past, it also questioned a lot of the newer advice I had received. Now I didn't know what to do with my diet, so I just kinda threw it away.
Now, you may accuse me of totally giving in at this point, but I was really trying each day. I was just getting derailed so easily, I couldn't make it through a meal without messing up.
7. Those Kisses in the cabinet had to get eaten up sometime, so why not now?
8. Bob is t-boned. Not only is he badly beat up from this, he gets the ticket. Did I mention that my ultra-cautious husband was trying to clear the intersection on a yellow light? Did I say that the driver who hit him was probably speeding and going through a red light? Need I tell you that she did not receive ANY ticket whatsoever? How about the fact that now our Jeep would not be covered, and we're out of a 2nd vehicle?
So, to put it in a nutshell, life had come crashing in at breakneck speed, and I was overwhelmed, just like the shores of Japan under the terrible weight of the recent tsunami. Life is hard, and sometimes it just seems out of control. In response, my eating had gone completely out of control, and I could not seem to get it back in place.
However, I would like to point out something I noticed in my own reflection on what was going on with me: did I once mention God in this whole mess? No. (Ouch.) If there's one thing I have learned in the past year, it is that this is a battle in my life that I am not capable of handling on my own. Yet when I invite God into this hoo-ha, somehow I am able to rise above the storm and find peace and rest for my heart, soul, ... and appetite.
Now, I am here to tell you that there were some tears and cries of desperation during this time. But there were no true efforts to dig into the Word or to really ground myself in the Lord. As soon as I picked up my Bible, however, and began to focus on the truths that He gives me, I could feel the strength and peace flooding me.
I am here tonight to celebrate 2 days of a wonderful diet, and more than that, a communion with God that is irreplaceable in value. To be able to walk right on past the treat at Tuesday morning Bible study, to say "no" to the cravings for an evening snack, and to politely refuse my daughter's banana muffin piping hot from the oven gave me more peace and fulfillment than I ever would have found in the indulge-guilt cycle. The key is God. It's wanting Him more than wanting to be thin. It's valuing the peace of mind He brings more than the temporary pleasure on my tongue that sweets bring. I pray that I never forget that lesson again, whether or not I ever complete a triathlon or wear a size 8.
