Standards

Holding kids to standards is so much easier said than done.

I mean, I want my children to be diligent workers,

knowing how to truly apply themselves and to do a job well;

however, this is not a one-time lesson.

My son is currently washing dishes.

He is twelve.

I think he's been doing dishes for about 5 years,

well, not without reprieve.

You'd think that after 5 years,

he'd have this down,

be an expert on how to do a quality job efficiently.

His sister, who is 10, has been close behind on the chores,

and frankly, she should be an expert by now as well.

Alas, this is not the case.

Every night, or at least most nights,

one of them washes the dinner dishes.

More often than not, I will walk by the washer,

only to discover

that there's food crusted on the plates in the dishwasher

or sauce dripping off the spatula.

Now, I understand that there are amazing appliances out there

equipped to magically clean the dirtiest dishes ever--

ours is NOT one of them.

And the kids know this.

They have been told time and time again

to rinse, to wipe, to scrub.

They have been instructed and shown on numerous occasions

the proper technique needed to sufficiently clean dishes.

So, why do they always insist

on trying to cut corners and doing a crappy job,

even when they know they will inevitably have to wash them again?!

I have cried, begged, screamed, rewarded, punished--

nothing seems to get the point across!

What will it take to convince my children to do the job right,

the first time?

It doesn't make any sense to me.

I mean, I know I don't like having to repeat a task.

Is it really too hard to understand

that completing a chore twice

takes WAY more time that just doing it well originally?

Let's just say that it is....

when will they finally figure this life lesson out?

How old do they have to be?

Will it come at different ages because one's a boy and one's a girl?

Will they grow into this one on their own,

or will I have to continue to nag and pester

each and every day until they're 18?

Here's another thing:

I did a lot of chores as a child, and I mean, a lot.

I know I didn't enjoy it, and I remember playing while I worked;

what I don't ever recall is doing a bad job.

I am not saying I was perfect.

I did, however, know how to do a good job,

and I did it.

I know I got in trouble for taking too long--

I missed attending my best friend's birthday party

because the bathroom wasn't done--

but having my mother endlessly reprimand me

for poorly performing any given task just does not ring a bell!

(Maybe I need to recheck this one with my mom,

but I seriously don't have any recollections of this type!)

I am afraid it's at this point that I always question my parenting.

I mean, I do my best,

and I think my husband and I have done some things really well.

Ah, but then there are other things,

where I don't feel very confident.

We as children were raised in very different ways

when it comes to this matter of housekeeping and cleanliness.

Perhaps I push too hard?

Perhaps my husband's influence,

which we agree to call "creative-chaotic,"

undermines the instruction enough to confuse them?

How do we resolve our polar opposite upbringings

and train our kids to be responsible,

but not obsessive-compulsive,

in their hygenic behavior?

Instruction. Balance. Discipline. Love. Kindness...

These are all characteristics that I think of when I think of parenting.

They are ongoing,

from birth to even past our children's flight from our nest.

More than a destination,

parenting is about the journey.

If my children never decide to clean dishes well on their first washing,

have I failed as a parent?

Perhaps some would say yes.

I'd like to think it's more about their character.

Of course, I do think the matter

is somewhat of a reflection of their character,

but I wouldn't go so far as to say that it sums it up.

I admit, I'd really like to see both.

But if it came down to a decision where I could choose only one,

I would definitely put up with my kids washing dishes twice

for the rest of their lives

if it meant that they had an upright character.