Pain

I'm restless. I'm edgy. My heart is racing. I wish I could blame it on coffee, but it's been hours since my last cup! I want to run. I want to hide. I want to drive away by myself. I want to go climb in my bed and pull the covers over my head.

I am anxious and cranky. I am touchy and easily bothered. Why am I so sensitive and quickly irritated right now? Is this all because I made one tiny step in an effort to change? Can this turmoil have really been stirred up by one simple call, one questioning e-mail? Am I really that messed up?

I don't know if that thought my makes me feel better about my action or utterly depressed by the state of my depravity. I feel like a wounded animal who's crawled in a hole, licking their wounds. They desperately need the care of someone helpful, yet they lash out with bared teeth at the hand that reaches to comfort them!

Oh, broken heart, wounded soul- can't you see the hand that reaches for you brings healing and hope? Will you lash out in fear and drive your salvation away, or will you humble yourself and submit to the help you so desperately require?

Connect the Dots

I'm snacking on honey-roasted Peanuts

Even though we had a big Sausage dinner

Some Robot song is blaring from the other room

While a giant Squid swims across my TV screen

There is No rhyme or reason

But no one is asking Why?

It's just another Saturday at home.

The Water buffalo song is stuck in my head

Don't ask What that is if you don't know

A Cool breeze blows through the open window

I Bet that Summer days are on their way

I check Online to see if my mom wrote me back

Oh, the joys of lazy days

It's just another Saturday at home.

I wake up from another Crappy night's sleep

My Joints ache like I'm 90 years old

The Grooves in my skin don't lie

The Lines on my face say I'm no Spring chicken

Which is alright with me

I've lived a good life, and today's a good day

It's just another Saturday at home.

Circles

I'm going in circles

Headed nowhere

Driving the roundabout

Over and over again

Rustling through piles

I find nothing but a paper cut

And some library books

From years gone by

Is my life really this meaningless?

The same cup of tea

Another rerun on the screen

A repeat, I repeat

Dishes, laundry, diapers

Workouts, showers- when will it end?

It's almost like I'm followed

No, even hunted

By the flow of it all

These daily burdens that drag me down

All of it just pulls me down.

Like a whirlpool

Swirling under

Deeper and deeper

Around and around

Going in circles, going in circles...