Pain

I'm restless. I'm edgy. My heart is racing. I wish I could blame it on coffee, but it's been hours since my last cup! I want to run. I want to hide. I want to drive away by myself. I want to go climb in my bed and pull the covers over my head.

I am anxious and cranky. I am touchy and easily bothered. Why am I so sensitive and quickly irritated right now? Is this all because I made one tiny step in an effort to change? Can this turmoil have really been stirred up by one simple call, one questioning e-mail? Am I really that messed up?

I don't know if that thought my makes me feel better about my action or utterly depressed by the state of my depravity. I feel like a wounded animal who's crawled in a hole, licking their wounds. They desperately need the care of someone helpful, yet they lash out with bared teeth at the hand that reaches to comfort them!

Oh, broken heart, wounded soul- can't you see the hand that reaches for you brings healing and hope? Will you lash out in fear and drive your salvation away, or will you humble yourself and submit to the help you so desperately require?