You see, it was then that I had finally made the decision to seek the assistance of Overeaters Anonymous for my seemingly endless struggle with eating. I had had a gnawing feeling for quite awhile that my struggles with food were actually way deeper than a propensity for sweets. I knew I had to find a way to freedom and healing, once and for all.
That Sunday, the pastor at our church, who'd been in a series on sexual purity, spoke on pornography and sexual addiction. While this isn't my specific area of struggle, I could still relate all too well to the mentality of the addict as he described it. I remember that he ended the service by talking about the necessity to find help. wherever that may be. I spoke so deeply to my heart that I determined to do two things: consult a counselor through work, which offers employees 3 complimentary visits each year, and go to an Overeaters Anonymous (OA) meeting.
It was uncomfortable, to say the least, but I did it. I was wrapped in emotional turmoil for two days straight, and I binged out of control as I reeled with emotions I didn't know how to handle. My poor family dealt with my lashing out until Tuesday evening, when I finally made my way to a local meeting. I was so anxious. Then, I entered the room and was welcomed with open arms. I daresay that I doubt I have been so unconditionally accepted even in a church.
That first night, I sat and listened as others shared of struggles they faced that sounded like they had been looking into the innermost parts of my heart and mind. I found great comfort in knowing that I am not alone. In the end, I felt comfortable enough to share myself, and I wasn't judged one bit. While I felt a gamut of emotions that night, the one that most stands out in my memory is relief.
I left that meeting, knowing in my heart that I had found the help I had been looking for. It has been just over 4 months since then, and while it has not been easy (and I didn't immediately drop 50 pounds), I am finally finding healing! Imagine my amazement in discovering a deeper relationship with God through a so-called secular organization! However, when the premise of a group is that we realize that we can't recover without the help of a loving God, how can we not draw closer to our all-powerful Creator?!
So what has happened this past 4 months, and why have I been absent from my blogging efforts? Well, I have started my 12 step program. I am currently over halfway through, thanks to the help of my wonderful sponsor! I have made a habit of re-establishing daily devotional time, something I have struggled to do all of my life. I have discovered some of the deeper aspects of my history, my personality, and my character that have molded me into the person I am today. I have found forgiveness--for those who have wronged me as well as for myself and my faults. My life has gone from being self-absorbed to looking to others and more importantly, to what God is directing me to in my life. I can honestly say that I am maturing as a person and growing in my walk with Christ. To also speak honestly, I will not lie and say that my food troubles are gone. I have given in to temptation; I have responded inappropriately to stress by seeking comfort in food. With God's grace, however, those "slips" are becoming less and less, and I am committed to eating healthy for life.
I am also committed to a weight loss journey, as I recognize that I am not at a healthy weight. Do I know where this journey is destined? Not exactly. I wish I had a specific number, size, or time frame, but that just isn't life. I DO have goals and will work to the best of ability, with God's help, to achieve those. I am definitely on the road to recovery, and I can't wait to see where it leads!
P.S. Another amazing and fantastic part of the changes in my life include returning to school. I have been accepted to Liberty University Online to pursue a bachelor's degree in Psychology. Enough of my credits transfer to label as Junior! Of course, I will have to also get my master's and doctorate to be a full-fledged psychologist, but that is my intent at this point. Classes start for me on October 25!
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