The New Year

Ugh. I don't know that this is the best time to write in here. I have been in and out of a funk for the past few days, trying desperately to cling to hope, be positive, and not murder my family for petty annoyances. I do have some goals for this year, which I'd like to get down so I can look back at them, and I did start out the year pretty well with what I am eating. I am committed to making real changes this year and need to lose a few sizes and STAY THERE! Part of that goal includes a triathlon I plan to do with AnnaLisa June 26. I have already started running, although I do feel a little stupid telling people I am training for a triathlon. I feel like they're gonna look at me and think, Shouldn't you lose like 50 pounds before you try that?! Whatever. I always do feel like people are looking at me and judging me for my weight when they are probably so preoccupied with their own looks that they don't even notice mine.

So, just like all new years, I definitely have weight/health goals I want to accomplish. However, I would like to look at more about myself than just my physical appearance. What am I doing for the inner me, for the aspects of myself that don't revolve around body image? Well, I am continuing school, which I am excited about! Being off right now feels really weird, although nice, but I do look forward to getting back to the books. I ended last term with a 96 in Philosophy and a 97 in Psychology, so I was pretty pleased with that. I really did feel like it was only through God that I was able to do so well. Strangely, I felt balanced and not too stressed, for the most part. That could only be through God!

That said, I did kinda let some things fall to the wayside. I wasn't practicing my bass for the last month or so, although we'll start meeting again next week. (I also lost my computer with my iTunes on it, which included all of my music for my band. That's a bummer.) I also stopped going to my OA meetings on Tuesday nights. In ways, I miss it, but I think I will be ok w/o it. Also, we'd started attending Wednesday night group, and I had to drop out of that. It's probably what I miss the most. I felt like it was a good effort towards fitting in with our church community more. So, I would like to be able to attend Wed. night group again this year. I believe they are starting up in Feb.

I would also like to work on my personal friendships more. On and off, I have complained about being isolated since moving to CO, but I also tend to isolate myself or at least not make enough effort to seek others out. The demands of school do make it more of a challenge to be social, but I think it is important and will be worth the effort in the long run.

In addition, I want to continue to grow spiritually. Last year really was a year of grow for me, building dependency upon God and seeking out with assistance in my every day life. I give a lot of thanks to OA for that...maybe I do need to keep going back. I did get lazy over the end of the year and need to re-establish my daily time with God, even if it is just 5 minutes. I noticed the difference it made, and it seemed like it grew with time as I desired more and more time with the Lord. I also know that when my relationship with the Lord is in the right place, everything else seems to be ok as well. This truly needs to be my number one priority!

Other goals or desires? Well, as much as I do like my job, I would really like to see Bob's business prosper enough that I could quit working for now. It is a challenge to juggle work, school, and family; I feel like my kids are the ones who have gotten the short end of the stick. I don't know. In some ways, I spend more quality time with them than before. In other ways, like being available when they have a math problem or being able to play with Obie when the older kids need some quiet study time, I am just not there right now. Being home helps, but I am just not free like I would like to be. I know my summer hours are shorter than what I am working right now and will help with this, but in the summer, G & M are off school.

I don't know. There are pros and cons to both. I would really miss some things about work if I quit, but I also envision me being a better mom if I wasn't working. Once Obie really starts school, then I will really need more free time during the day, assuming I continue to keep the kids home for school.

Overall, I don't feel like I am in much of a different place than I did 2 days ago, when the calendar read 2010, but starting points can be helpful in beginning new habits. So, I think I will take this opportunity to review and re-align my point of view: In 2011, I will continue my schooling in order to complete my bachelor's degree in psychology; I will train my body and mind to complete my 1st triathlon in June; I will commit to daily time with God and rest in His plans for me, not mine; I will make time to develop my relationships with others in my life, including my children, my friends, and my husband; and I will focus on being healthy in mind, body, and spirit and make this my healthiest year to date!