A Pain in the Butt

Literally. A pain in the butt.  To be more exact, a pain in my butt!  An intense and sharp yet dull and throbbing pain, it is.  And it seems like it will last forever!

Now, I know it won't.  That is absurd, especially when I had the surgery to relieve my discomfort.  It's just that it has made so little improvement in the last 6 days.

And you wouldn't imagine (unless you have experienced this yourself) how difficult it is to get things done when you can't sit for more than 10 minutes at a time.  Things like...a computer desk job. *sigh*

Ok, enough complaining from me.  I need to look at the bright side.  Where to start...

I drove today, a whole 3 miles round trip!  I went to the grocery store near our house. That was good.

I have been working since Tuesday, increasing my shift by 1/2 hour each day. Would you believe that I worked a full 4 hours today--yay!

I have had three days of restricted caloric decisions.  (In the interest of full disclosure, I DID eat ice cream today, but it was a controlled amount.)  I still feel good about it.  I am motivated to continue.  I am planning to wear my old clothes this summer!

It's not easy.  It's downright hard sometimes.  It feels like it will never end.  It's a royal pain in the butt--

But this too shall end!

Ow-wie!

I had surgery 2 days ago.  Oh my.  It is never fun, and this is no exception.

My surgery was scheduled for noon on Friday. I had to be there at 10 am, so Bob dropped me off a few minutes before.  Prep was routine, and I even got to read quite a bit in my textbook for school.  I was super tired. They gave me a light sedative as they were preparing me for surgery, and I don't remember a thing after that.  I think I just fell asleep!

My next recollection was my groggy waking up--with a massive pain in my chest.  This was a pain I recognized all too well as an esophageal spasm.  I told the nurse what was going on, so she was dealing with that on top of trying to handle the usual side effects of waking up from anesthesia, what with the nausea and vomiting.  Unfortunately for me, I don't do well with anesthesia, and the spasms irritate my digestive system even more.  I was bound to puke!

Thank God I had my medication recorded on my forms, since I had recently dealt with the spasms and had a  prescription filled for dicyclomine.  The nurse, Jeanne, did her best to take care of me in a timely manner.  While it felt like forever, we did finally get the medication I needed, and my pain subsided.  Throughout the ordeal, as I prayed and begged God for relief, my mind was flooded with His Word.  I claimed each promise and knew He would bring me through this trial.

At this point, the only thing really hurting was my throat from the tube that had been down it and the lack of water I had had for the last 12+ hours.  I tried to slowly sip my water, knowing too much would make me vomit again.  I finally made it to the place where I could go back to my original room.  I rested there for another hour or so and even had some graham crackers and apple juice.  Best tasting graham crackers ever!

Bob picked me up around 3:45 pm, and we headed home.  I still had no pain in my bottom whatsoever, but we dropped off my prescription for Percocet anyway.  Boy, am I glad that we did!  I was fine all evening and starting to think that this may just be an easy recovery after all.  I even woke up the next morning with just some stiffness and tenderness.  By the time we finished breakfast, however, I could barely move!

And it's been that way for the majority of the last 24 hours.  The Percocet helps, and I can move around better with it.  I just get stiff and sore being in any position for too long, including lying down.  I was hoping to be able to go to church this morning--it's Easter--but there's no way I'd make it through the service, let alone the drive there and back.  That's a bummer, but the kids are playing with the Nerf guns I bought them for Easter. (I know, I know, really "Easter-y.")

I go back and forth on thinking that I will be okay with working on Tuesday.  I sure hope so.  I also go back and forth on how I will get through school this week.  I finished last week early so I wouldn't have to worry about it, but time keeps on going.  I start a new week tomorrow, complete with my research paper due.  (3 more weeks--I can do this!)

I am currently typing at the kitchen counter.  Standing is more comfortable than sitting, but I do get tired easily.  I need God's strength to get through this, and I am glad to have my family's help as well as the meals from some caring friends.  My butt is swollen. (I always wanted a rounder tush, but not like this!) In fact, I feel swollen all over.  I am trying to remember that this too shall pass.  For now I am just hanging on!

Priorities

The one good thing I can say about all these events in my life is that I am learning to prioritize or re-prioritize what is important for right now. So here are some changes that I am implementing, and I must say, I am excited about what is coming:

1. I am not taking classes this summer. I went back and forth on this, especially since the terms in the summer actually cross for two weeks. Four classes for two weeks?!? I don't think so! I would just be asking for it, especially since it falls over my vacation time. (Consequently, if I am off and we don't go back to the Midwest, I would have the time to handle the extra work.)

2. I am only taking one class at a time starting the fall. I have had to remind myself that I am not trying to get this done ASAP. I have a 3-year-old. I need to be able to focus on other things besides schoolwork, and that has become difficult this term, given the heavy work load for my current classes. I can keep taking classes, as long as they don't overwhelm my schedule so much that I have to push everything else aside.

3. I have a desire to write more and have determined to post 3x/week this summer. I also intend to "go public" this summer with my blog. Scared? Yes. Excited? Yes!

4. I intend to take a CLEP for my English requirements this summer. I believe that I can pass no problem, and it would take care of those credits so I don't have to pay for the course or use up my time on it.

5. I would also like to complete some of my work-in-progress writing projects, including my e-book and my 1st children's book in a series Bob and I would like to put together.

6. Once I am recovered (which should be about the time I get out of school), I would like to start taking an aerobics class. My intention is to eventually start teaching them again. I have come to realize that I miss them so much. They are my passion for workouts, and I would like to incorporate them into my life again. I find so much joy and accomplishment in the choreography and exertion!

7. I would like to try soccer with Obie. There is a children's soccer group here in town that offers a trial week so you and your child can check things out. Then, it's pretty economical to get them playing 1x/wk and includes their uniform (shirt). All I want to do is TRY it. If it's a no-go, fine! I just want to try it out. He is much more physical than the older kids were, and I want him to have the opportunity to give it a go.

8. Last but certainly not least, I want to use the slower summer days to really spend more time in the Word. I recognize more and more not only the importance of a deeper relationship with God but also the value and freedom that come from living closely with Him! I have already started making daily efforts, even with my busy schedule, but would like to do even more this summer. Walking in the Spirit and falling deeper in love with God means that each day is sweeter and that each struggle is diminished in the light of God's plan for me. THAT is worth prioritizing, above everything else!

What does it all mean?

The last month has been eventful. I did something weird--bad--to my hamstring. I don't know what. I might have pulled it or something. It still hurts. I started to back off. Then, I had an opthalmic migraine. I didn't know what it was, but I found out at the eye doctor's the next day. Why? Who knows. I haven't had one since, which is good.

I did pick up a nasty cold from my daughter. It went to my chest, which is unusual for me. Then, it went to my ear. Ouch! I went to the doctor and got an antibiotic. (It's actually a sinus infection, not an ear infection.)

The day before, I went to yet another appointment, this time to set up surgery. I am having the cyst removed on April 22, two weeks from today. I already had the weekend off, so that worked out well.

So, what is going on? Really, I don't know. It seems a bit over the top, like some cosmic joke. And that is how I was approaching it, feeling quite "picked on." I was also anesthesizing my pain with crazy eating patterns. Stupid behavior. Pity parties and hissy fits complete with cake.

Yet the Lord was gently prodding me. The message was there all along; I just kept missing it. I finally caught the a-ha moment on Karen Ehman's website. (Thanks, Karen!) Suffering is a part of life. We live in a fallen world. Who am I to think I deserve a pain-free life? God uses difficulty in our lives to teach us so many things. We can also learn to have peace in the midst of our struggles. The presence of God in the midst of our lives is more important than the comfort of our bodies. I am not there totally, but I am drawing closer. That is where I want to be.