Hangin in There

Day 1, 6:52 pm

Well, I have made it most of the day.  I am a little hungry, but I do have one last cup of lemonade to drink still.  More than hunger, it's a little unnerving to have the family eating around me.  It's not horrible, but there's been a few times where scents have gotten to me, mainly the peanut/chocolate smell from Garrett's trail mix.  I also can make more lemonade if I feel the need. I am set up to consume the least amount recommended, and I cut the amount of maple syrup, which was recommended for weight loss.

I did have a mug of green tea an hour ago, which is also an option.  I think it will help as a filler, and it wasn't too bad without sweetener.  Considering how little I have consumed, I really don't feel too bad.

I am feeling a little overwhelmed by the thought of 9 more days, but I am trying to focus on the benefits.  At this point, it is more mental.  How embarrassing to admit that the thought of not eating for more than a week more has me a bit nervous.  Of course, that is a big reason why I am doing this.  I need to not be so driven by food!

Knowing that the 2nd and 3rd days are usually the worst is also a little daunting.  I need to stay focused.  I also need to remember that I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13).

For now, I think I am going to get my last cup of lemonade.  Oh, I still have Chocolate Smooth Move for tonight!  I don't know whether I am excited or mortified.

Doing well

Day 1, 11:46 am

Still feeling quite well!  I am not hungry and was able to do my workout DVD.  This morning was...cleansing.  I am fine now, though.  I will consume my third cup of lemonade in a little bit, which will mark half of my consumption of calories for the day.

A New Beginning

Day 1, 8:00 am

I weighed myself in the buff.  The good news is that I am starting a couple pounds down from where I thought I was.   That's encouraging.  I drank my 32 oz of warm salt water at 7:51 am.  The stomach cramping has already started.  I think I am supposed to be excited.

I am not hungry, as I am full with salt water right now.  I am going to make my "lemonade" in a bit, but I think I am going to need to use the washroom first!  Wow, this is much more personal than I had considered!

Mentally, I feel good.  I am thinking clearly and am determined to go ten days with this.  That brings me to Sunday, the 29th.  I will need a few days to Ease-out, so that's about two weeks total.

Twas the Night Before...

Pre-day 1, 9:35 pm

I have tried the Chocolate Smooth Move.  It's, um, well...I added a little stevia, and it's drinkable.  I don't know if that's allowed, but I am looking into it!

Taking the Plunge!

Well, I did it!  After struggling to fall asleep last thinking about it, dreaming about it all night, and waking up contemplating it, I decided to commit to a 10-day Master Cleanse. *shiver*

After I recalculated my costs, I figured I could get the total cost to about $40, which is less than I would spend on groceries for myself.  That, I felt, was doable...at least, financially.  So, I made some phone calls and ran out today to collect my supplies. These include the following:

1 qt Grade B maple syrup (By far, my greatest cost but should suffice for my uses quite well.)
15 lemons (To my figuring, I will need 15 more, but I didn't want them to go bad.)
1 bottle cayenne pepper (More than enough, but I can use it for cooking afterwards.)
2 gallons of distilled water (A 4-day supply, but I can boil more water and refill my jugs.)
Chocolate Smooth Move tea (Dare I call this my splurge? I have tried the regular stuff, and it ain't great. So, I thought I would try the "yummy" chocolate flavor!)
Sea Salt (for the salt water flush...scary beyond belief!)

I am scared beyond belief, truly, but I am also excited.  I am wearing a "fat" shirt today, cuz it's not gonna fit much longer!  I am pretty sure time is going to slow down drastically, perhaps even stand still.  It makes me wish I had done this back when I was swamped with school--something to keep me busy!  I will be in training 9 hrs/day next week for four days, so that should help.  It also works out since I won't have a lot of time to devote to exercise those days.  (You can do light exercise while on the cleanse, but I don't see myself lifting weights or starting Zumba!)

My preparation has been a contrasting picture of me doing the "right things"--cutting out the caffeine and having cantaloupe for breakfast--and counting down the minutes--my "last supper" was BBQ pork, mixed veggies, and the biggest pumpkin bar you've ever seen.  I can literally feel the butterflies in my stomach.

I have only told one person outside of our household.  I only told her because she was texting me about going garage sale-ing tomorrow or Saturday.  While I thought that sounded fun, I can only imagine that I won't want to be out and about after my morning salt water flush...O dear God, what have I done?  Oh, she's also familiar with the Master Cleanse, went vegan for two years, and has a husband allergic to corn, dairy, and eggs. They are weird diet people who will understand!

I was going to tell another friend who has been a source of encouragement to me. In fact, we were discussing the merits of diets, training, and discipline.  She would understand, I believe, the benefits of such a strict regimen; I haven't talked to her all week, though.  Perhaps I can share when I have already experienced some success.

I am hoping, I am praying, that this will be a good experience, that I have great results on both the inside and outside of my body, and that I can truly reset my cravings to be for healthy food.  I do still understand that I need to crave God above all, and I am hoping that this time of fasting will serve as a spiritual building time as well.  It was not initiated for that purpose, and I openly admit that; it doesn't mean that it can't be used for spiritual renewal, too.  Many things in life have dual or multiple purposes--why can't this also meet many needs in my life?  In fact, this might be the best ten days of my life thus far!

I plan to journal this entire journey.  It seems too dynamic too miss out on every detail of this experience.  I intend to blog daily, perhaps even many times each day.  To ensure this is clear, I will label the start of each entry with the Day and time.  Thus, my journey begins...I go to prepare my laxative tea.

Extreme Measures

It's really depressing to admit that I haven't lost a pound in the last 5 months.  Now, I have had my ups and downs, but the downs haven't surpassed the ups enough to get me anywhere.  I have tried a few plans, and even a few "unplans," but I just can't seem to stay committed enough to make any head way.

My latest attempt was to start a 2-day cleanse or liquid diet.  Well, halfway through the day and after some Internet research, I decided it wasn't really worth it because I didn't have the right ingredients.  I determined to pick them up and get started in a couple days. 

That was Monday.  Two days later and no money for groceries, I have lost my zeal for this drastic, 10-day cleanse.  It promises high hopes and fast results.  (Beyonce lost 20# in 10 days for her movie Dreamgirls.)  Ten days on liquids is pretty daunting, though.  True, it would put me in range to wear the summer clothes I desperately wanted to fit into before our vacation.  But how desperate am I, really?  Am I determined enough to make it 10 days w/o food when I can barely make it 1 day on a reasonable eating plan? 

I know I have got to give my struggles to God because I just cannot do this without Him.  I believe that it is okay to discipline oneself, to train for a season, even to limit one's consumption of food for different purposes.  Would the Lord bless my efforts to cleanse my body like this?  My reasons are 3-fold: to lose weight, to detox my system, and to get rid of my sugar cravings.  Is this reasonable?  Is this realistic?

Part B

So, writing about this endeavor spurred me on to go to the store to purchase aforementioned dietary items...but when the price for 10 days worth was looking like $120-160, I decided to reconsider.  After coming home and rechecking my amounts, I think I can get the cost down to about $60-65.  Now, I won't be consuming regular meals, so that's a savings of around $50.  This makes it definitely more doable.  Still, is this a wise choice, or would I be better off just changing my diet to a healthy, controlled plan designed for weight loss?

Jesus!

If I could wake up every morning and have the name of Jesus on my lips before anything else, how would it change my life?

 Would it change my life?  I think so.  

I have come to realize that every time I am struggling, every time I am an emotional wreck, it's because I have taken my eyes off of God.  When I am anxious about finances, it's because I am depending on my husband to provide for us, not God.  When I can't figure out to do with my future plans, it's because I am trying to figure them out on my own.  When my kids are driving my crazy and I just don't know how to handle them, it's because I am depending on my knowledge, or lack thereof, to be a good parent.  When I am frustrated with the bad food choices I made and can't understand why I do the same stupid things over and over, it's because I have taken my eyes off of God.  When I am angry at myself for making the same mistake AGAIN, it'd because I've forgotten that I can't do it on my own.

I know our society rewards self-sufficiency.  The more independent you are, the more value you have.  Where did we get this crazy idea?  God gave us people--families, communities, churches--so that we could support one another.  Somehow we think that we know better than Him?  For that matter, other cultures are still very interdependent upon one another.  They may not achieve like we do, but at least they enjoy their lives together.  We destroy relationships and step all over others to climb to the top, but what is really up there?  It seems that perhaps there's just a lot of loneliness.  How fun is it to celebrate success by yourself?

Even if we don't have family or friends that we depend on, what about God?  Do we really think we can do better without Him?  He is all-knowing, all-powerful, everywhere.  Do we really think that in our finite little lives, somehow we can surpass what God can do?  It sounds stupid to even iterate such nonsense, yet so many of us live like this exactly every day.  I know I do.

In my stubborn. little mind, I forget that I cannot do things on my own.  So I strive and fail again and again.  I try again and just end up frustrated.  I give up and then feel guilty.  Why can't  I simply remember that I wasn't made to do it alone?  God not only saved me from certain death, but He filled me with His own Spirit to guide me through every step I make each day.  He gave me the same power that raised Him from the dead!  Why wouldn't I want to tap into that every morning and use that to live successfully?  If I could simply surrender control of my life to Jesus every day, I could life my life to the fullest, knowing that I was walking in Christ's power and direction, His best for me.

So, if I can teach myself to wake up every morning with Jesus on my lips, what difference will it make?  I do believe it will make all the difference in the world!