Tuesday, September 04, 2007  | Current mood:  content Category:Blogging I checked myself into the Birth Center today, although I did end up going home. I have never gone to the hospital and been sent home before, but I could not have forgiven myself if something was wrong, and I had done nothing.
I just wasn't feeling right. I had this weird feeling in my abdomen a couple days ago that reminded me of when my water broke w/ the other 2 kids. Today the baby was moving like crazy from about 4 am to noon or so, and then I really hadn't felt him. Then, I remembered how wet I have felt lately and had this horrible feeling of "what if?". So, I sheepishly called my Dr.'s office and spoke to the nurse. She told me to go get checked out at the Birth Center right away.
So, I left work early and went over there, went through the motions, and needless to say, everything was just fine. And as much as I thought I would feel really stupid if nothing was wrong, I don't regret going in . I just cannot imagine what it would be like to lose your baby because you were too stubborn to go in and get checked.
I do hope that labor is obvious for me. I know I knew w/ Madelene. There is just so much uncertainty right now that I want to get it all over with just so I can stop wondering and being uncertain! (Talk about missing the "joy in the journey"!)
I really need to stop stressing it; I am trying not to worry! It is just so all-consuming at this point! Frankly, I want to have this baby and get on w/ life and its norm, even if that "norm" will forever be changed! (I seem to remember feeling this way about my wedding, too!) I know I should be glad in the time I have now, for it is good in its own way. I look forward to having a new baby because there are some wonderful things about having and holding your own newborn child that can barely be expressed in words; however a new baby does come w / a fresh new list of "cons" all its own, w/ "lack of sleep" near the top! ;)
So, I am going to choose to enjoy today for its "pros"- less child responsibilities, the ability to work and bring in needed income, one day closer to my mom's visit and the option of her staying w/ the older kids ( not to mention the help here w/ meals and such and the time we will be able to spend together visiting!), the option of intimacy w/ my husband! (It may be awkward, but it is still an option! ;) )
So, with that in mind, I hail this day for what it is! Thank you, Birth Center, for giving me negative results! Thank you, God, for giving me another day before the "big one"! |
| | Tuesday, August 28, 2007 |
Category:Blogging Yesterday I went to see the Dr., and I am 2 cm dilated! No effacement yet, so I don't think I will have him this weekend, but progress is progress!
I can't believe that I only have one month left! I mean, it has certainly been long enough, but as the time draws closer, I am certainly getting excited! I do wish I could plan a little better, but at this point, everything is pretty much day-by-day. |
| | Friday, August 24, 2007 |
Category:Blogging Another week is behind me, not that they are careless notches on a bedpost, but they are markers at this point! Tomorrow marks 35 weeks for me, and it is strange to think that I could have this baby tomorrow or not for another 6 weeks! Talk about living day-by-day!
I have an app't w/ my Dr. on Monday, so it will be interesting to see how things are going! I am feeling pretty well considering my current status. Sleep has been better the last few nights than it was for a while. What a relief! Being exhausted and not able to sleep is one of the most hopeless feelings in the world!
Work is going well, although I am definitely worn out when I get home. I will have to leave early to pick the kids up from school 2-3x/ week, so those days will be shorter for me! That is a welcome relief, even if it does mean I need to work longer hours on the other days to make up for it.
I am working on some plans for after the baby is born, but I must say, I am feeling hopeful as I see things starting to come together. I washed the baby's clothes this week, and Bob brought in the changing table/ dresser for me. I need to wipe down the carseat and do a couple other minor things, but I feel pretty prepared. Oh, I do need to pack our bags, but I know what is going in them! There are also a few things I would like to pick up w/ the gift certificates I have. Other than that, we just wait anxiously and go about our daily routines until the time comes...and work on coming up with a name!!! |
| | Saturday, August 18, 2007 |
Category:Blogging Well, I think it is fair to say that I am officially in the home stretch- my Dr. said that she doesn't stop labor after 34 weeks! If I go now, I am going all the way! (Seems that happened in January, too, didn't it?) Not that I truly expect to go this early. I do feel a sense of urgency to "get things together" though. I have mentally packed my bags if not physically. I bought baby detergent last night and plan to wash newborn clothes and blankets next week, after my baby shower this Sunday. (The girls at work are throwing it!) After I wash the clothes, I will pack the baby's bag as well. I even thought that maybe I should have Garrett and Maddie pack overnight bags just in case, being that there are no set plans for them. (It depends on when the baby comes as to who is watching them.) I also called to set an appointment to preregister at the hospital- I guess I should have called earlier like they suggested in the book because they can't even get me in until September 10th! That's only 2 1/2 weeks before the baby is due!!! Well, I guess if I go before that, we register like they used to- in labor! Of course, the possibility of going weeks AFTER that are too real as well- right, AnnaLisa? :)
I am considering using a doula. A friend of mine from Bible Study has recently become one and has offered her services to all the pregnant women in the group. (There are currently 3 of us.) I don't know. I go back and forth w/ the idea. I don't want it to seem like Bob isn't enough, but having another person there would take the pressure off of him to be the end-all, give him a break, and provide me w/ someone used to this kind of thing who can help when the pressure is there, and Bob is preoccupied with the welfare of his wife and child. I think I am going to ask her over to discuss it with both of us a little more. I want us both to be comfortable with the idea if we are going this route. Also, now that I know I have so long before my preregistration, if we do decide to do this w/ her, she could help me come up with a realistic "Birth Plan".
I am also considering a new name- Othniel. It's pretty unique and uncommon but has a great story of strength and leadership behind it, and that is important to me in naming this child. I mean, I believe God has plans for all of my children, but I know this one is special because the timing on it seems so off through mortal eyes. It is not set in stone, but I did ask Bob to seriously mull it over. |
| | Wednesday, August 08, 2007 |
Category:Blogging So I had another Dr. visit today! (I have another in 2 weeks, and then I start weekly!) Everything looks good, and I am doing fine. My knee has calmed down, although I am feeling more aches and pains than before- nothing out of the ordinary though! She told me after 34 weeks that she won't stop labor! That is kind of exciting, although I don't anticipate going that early! I have decided that I should pack a bag JIC- I think I have an outfit picked out to wear home. I need to wash the nursing gown I have, although I would like to get a different one as this one kinda chokes me! I also need to wash the baby's clothes and set up his bed, changing table, etc. Did I mention we still need a name? Oh, the things to do... I really am not ready for this baby yet! I do feel the need to make efforts in this direction, though!
I have been using the elliptical lately, not vigorously but steadily. I can go for about 20 minutes, which I feel is plenty at this time. (Boy, that sounds lame!) It does feel good to move, and it is more gentle than walking at this point.
I want to get my hair cut, but I am searching for an appropriate picture to bring w/ me. I have an idea of what I would like, but I am not sure. I know I want the back shorter- it is driving me nuts on my neck!!! I think I will go search some more, and then maybe I will try to find a name, a much more difficult endeavor! |
| | Wednesday, July 25, 2007 |
Category:Blogging I sit on the couch with my feet up for my brother's last night visiting us. Sounds good, huh? Let me broaden the picture- I have an ice pack wrapped around my knee and have had to watch them take over my kitchen to prepare and clean up dinner. I couldn't feel stupider or more frustrated...
For the last week, I have been experiencing random pains in the side of my knee at the strangest times and last random amounts of time. It isn't just shooting pain, either. It's like joint/ muscle tightness or something where I cannot even straighten my knee and walk on it. Sometimes it lasts five minutes , sometimes all day. Last Friday I spent most of the day at work in a wheelchair 'cuz I stood up from going to the bathroom and "twisted" my knee! (Luckily, I work where there are lots of wheelchairs, and it is very wheelchair accessible.)
Anyway, I did talk to my OB Dr. about it, and I can wear a knee brace. I just don't know that it will truly help since I am not over-exerting myself and injuring it. I stand up, and it freaks out. I go to lie down, and it freaks out. There is no rhyme or reason to it. Arrrrgh!
Otherwise, I am doing fine. My glucose test came back fine; my iron is great, which is surprising since it was low with the other kids. I am still gaining weight, which sucks, but I am otherwise healthy.
I will have to work like crazy trying to make up my hours for the time I took off while my family has been here.
Speaking of... I need to go be sociable. |
| | Thursday, July 12, 2007 |
Category:Blogging I haven't posted in a long time. It's not that I have nothing to say. It isn't even that I haven't thought about posting. I don't know that I could even say that I was too busy, although I might agrue that that could be considered a valid excuse. More than that, however, I think that sometimes the pain of pouring out one's heart- even on a computer- outweighs the cathartic release brought about by such an outpouring. It truly does feel good to vent, but raw wounds can only handle so much exposure. That isn't to say that I have been trough some major traumatic event in my life since I last expressed myself via blog. It relates more to a Chinese water torture, where drips of water would incessantly be allowed to gently but steadily strike the same spot on one's forehead for an uncertain amount of time. At first, it seems harmless, but by the end, it will drive you mad. I feel like I am somewhat "maddened" by the constant and consistent dripping of everything going on in my life right now. I am working out details, but it seems like as soon as one thing is worked out or past us, the next big hurdle is fast approaching.
So, let's talk facts. What exactly is going on at this point. (Someday I am going to look back on this and laugh... or be VERY relieved it is all behind me... or both.)
Right now I am 28 1/2 weeks pregnant and get asked almost daily if I am "due any day" or "having twins". I look like an enormous ball w/ arms and legs. I do have some times of pain, also. They are not unheard of, but they promise to drag out these last couple months. This son of mine is also quite active. Last night, I could feel him moving in two different sides of my abdomen at once. It was exhausting! He is constantly in motion, and it truly wears me down. I am glad that he moves, and I enjoy it to a point. It is fun to see the movement and reassuring to feel it regularly, but there is a limit. He frequently passes this limit.
Work is going well. I am still employed in the Therapy Department, and while I don't look forward to changing bosses, I think I will survive this transition without any visible issues.
I have been working out the issues of insurance and payment of hospital/ delivery costs. I think it will work out okay in the end, but it is stressful at this time. Of course, this still doesn't address the issue of cash flow while I am on maternity leave. Still working on that one, I am afraid.
Then, there is the issue of childcare after the baby is born. On one hand, I would like to stay home w/ this baby as I did the other children; however, I do not see that being feasible financially at this time. Of course, this presents the issue of childcare, which, I must admit, bothers me enough that most of the time, I try not to think about it. I do not like the idea of a stranger raising my baby, especially an institution of some sort. Of course, there is a bit more accountability to that than leaving my child w/ an individual at their home where no one else can see what is going on. I know I sound paranoid, but I really don't like my options. Part of me just wants to quit my job. part of me dreads being "stuck" home 24/7. Part-time employment? I lose my benefits, so what is the point? I just cannot see any agreeable options at this point, and it weighs heavily on my mind.
And if I didn't have enough already pressing on me, I have been thinking a lot about returning to school lately. this seems like a totally inappropriate time for this, but I would be lying if I didn't say that I think about it a lot, probably daily. Do I know what I want ot go back to school for? No! Have I ever? Not really! I do have some ideas, though, and I would like to look into them. I just don't know if I am just wasting my time at this point. It sure seems like it. I just can't deny this nagging feeling.
Then, there is school for my kids this fall. I cannot say I am super worried, but I wish I knew what was going on. They're supposed to start this new charter school, about which we are all excited. However, I have not heard one word regarding it, and it starts in a month! I checked the school's website, and there is no news whatsoever. Worst case scenario, they return to their school from last year, which is just fine. They had a good year, many friends, and good teachers. I have no complaints w/ the school and would be fine w/ it. I just want to know one way or the other!
So, all this stuff has ben mulling around in my mind, and yesterday, in the middle of a meeting at work, I have like a mini panic attack. I have not experienced something like this in quite a while, but I used to a lot. I just don't know how to deal w/ stuff, and my mind escapes by wanting to go to sleep. I think I am a little more mature than that now, but there it was. And truly, none of these things are going to be solved right at this moment. In fact, a lot of it is totally out of my control. So, should I be worrying about it? Absolutely not! I know this! Is it hard to give up? You better believe it!
But I need to cut this short, as I can currently feel my feet tingling, a sign that they are actively swelling and need to be elevated. This, assuredly, IS something I can do something about, so I am going to take active measures to go put me feet up for a while!!! |
| | Tuesday, May 29, 2007 |
Category:Blogging I started my new job today. It was kind of a dud as my supervisor was not there, so I just kind of did whatever was available. I also sat on my butt a lot.
I do expect things to pick up- I sure hope so!!! |
| | Tuesday, May 22, 2007 |
Category:Blogging So yesterday we went to my ultrasound (finally!!!), and we are having a boy!!!
We are very excited, although I know Maddie really wanted a sister. I guess more than anything it is nice to feel like I have a direction now. I do have some baby boy stuff that was given to me, and now I can start picking out what we would like/ need. I love getting prepared!!!
And as for the serenity in my life, I am praying it will still come. Things have settled down in the last couple weeks, but there is still so much uncertainty as far as when the baby arrives/ our plans then. I guess I am really trying to not worry about it, as tomorrow will worry about itself, right? We'll see what unfolds... |
| | Monday, May 14, 2007 |
Category:Blogging I would have taken the time to post this last week, but frankly, I didn't have the time or the energy.
Basically, it was a week of...not really completions, as nothing was completed, but maybe findings, as many loose ends were made known.
First of all, Wednesday brought about my new employment position. It was not the director's job but the therapy position. I must admit, at first I was disappointed. But after more consideration, I do not know if the extra income would be worth the extra stress/ responsibility at this stage in my life. I am satisfied w/ the new position I will take, and I am anxious to begin it, which will commence Monday, two weeks from today.
The second "finding" was that my children have been accepted to the community center's summer program, which is a HUGE weight off my chest! This means seven weeks of fun-filled days for them and seven weeks of uninterrupted full work days for Bob and me. I am comfortable w/ this, realizing that it is their summer break, not mine. Plus, I will have nights and weekends w/ them now that my new job does not include any off-hour work! I do have a couple weeks where I am not sure what I am doing w/ them, but we will work that out.
Thirdly, we were informed that the kids have been accepted to a brand new charter school going up in town, STAR Academy, for Space, Technology, and Arts. They will not only receive the core curriculum but also be able to focus on science, computer literacy (3 students to 1 computer in each classroom), and multiple arts as well as Spanish and Phys. Ed. Their days are a little longer; they start a week earlier (helpful to my summer sitting predicament). They will wear uniforms; they get freshly catered lunches! I am excited about the opportunity that this presents to us. We go to a family meeting tomorrow night to find out more information. I can't wait!
The only other thing we are waiting for that would have completed this week would have been finding out what the baby is, but that will have to wait for one more week- something else I am anxiously awaiting! Oh, Bob also finished and submitted his artwork for the scholarship he is applying for, but we didn't find out anything!
Right now, I am focusing on filling out applications- you would think this was Harvard- and getting ready for our Garage Sale we are hosting next week! I keep saying that I need to work on it, but other things keep trumping it in priority. Well, tomorrow I am off, and I am planning to dedicate the day to cleaning out the garage and sorting through things to sell.. that is, until 2:30, when I am bringing in cupcakes for Maddie's "b-day" party. (poor girl, summer birthday.) At work, I am just trying to stay focused and finish this job out well. I definitely feel distracted but will push to stay focused and diligent. |
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