Saturday, August 16, 2008  | Current mood:  pensive Category: Blogging Ever feel like you are on the back burner, playing the SIDEKICK, co-pilot? That's where I am at right now. I am not changing anything, completing anything, or engaged in anything. When the kids go to bed at night, I really don't have anything to do, except maybe catch up on reading. I also recognize that now really isn't the time to take anymore on. I considered starting back to school. I know I could score fin. aid, and I have some ideas about what I would like to go for, but we, as in the Crum family as a unit, need one more commitment like a hole in the head. Bob is just swamped right now. It seems like he is being pulled in 50 different directions, and unfortunately, they are things I just cannot do. My only way of lending a hand is by keeping things running smoothly on the home front. It's a boring, mundane job, but someone has to do it. Actually, with the kids returning to school in two days, things will change around here. I will pretty much have my days free with Obie. I do plan to ride my bike w/ him as soon as it warms up and stops raining- not usually a problem here, but we've had some interesting weather as of late. I also plan to join the women's morning Bible study at my church. It's been years since I could attend a Tuesday morning study, and I do enjoy it! It will also be a chance to get to know some of the women at my church on a deeper level and open the door to some much-needed friendships. Additionally, I have put out a request with my coworkers for childcare swapping, so if that goes through, it will fill two of my days- one to work, one to babysit. While it would take away two "free" days, it would allow me to have some free evenings and Saturdays. This I would value for the sake of my other children as well as Bob. It would also save me from having to pay for childcare. Fall/ the school year brings about changes, just nothing monumental. Hopefully my work schedule will smooth out- it's a bit of a concern right now as I am having trouble finding enough available time, and things will pick up soon due to the elections requiring me to be available that much more. The kids have been great sitters all summer long, and I will miss the ease of hiring them. I am sure they will miss the cash, too! I am anticipating my youngest's first birthday as well. He turned 11 months today, and it is strange to think he is almost one year old. I can't believe it's gone so fast! But by the looks of him, it truly has been that long. He is crawling now and making attempts at pulling up on things. He is daily showing more personality with the things he does. His face is changing and looking more "toddler-ish." He is my Sweetie, but he can be such a stinker! We don't have any birthday plans yet, but we have discussed some ideas for themes. He has really taken a liking to these metal lizards we have hung in his room, so that might be a cute idea. I don't remember what else we discussed. The older kids would know. I am disappointed that my mom will not be able to come out for a visit this year as she has the past two years. With her fall the day after we left, she has been laid up since June and continues to remain on a non-weightbearing status. Her ankle is healing, but it was such a severe break that it will really take a long time to fully recover. I wish I could go visit her again. I just don't see that happening right now either. Perhaps I will find some great mission for this autumn and winter. Could I be so optimistic to think I am being saved "for such a time as this"? I do long for greatness- well, maybe not greatness- to make a difference. May the flexibility of my current status lead me to the involvement in a meaningful contribution. |
| | Sunday, August 10, 2008 | Current mood:  satisfied Category: Blogging We went on a family bike ride this afternoon, the five of us plus Maggie, Maddie's friend. I thoroughly enjoyed riding as I got to try out my "new" bike. We were given a really nice bike, but it is too small for Bob. It has like 18 gears; I swear I could ride up the side of a mountain with it! The pedals are a little small- meant for clips- so it was a little hard to stand. Of course, I didn't need to with my wonderful selection of gears! (But my butt needs a break sometimes.) Unfortunately, everyone else didn't enjoy it quite as much. Bob took the duty of "chariot horse," pulling 30+ extra pounds of Obie and baby chariot, as I have deemed it. Obie likes it some, but he does get restless sometimes. He howled a little bit. Bob did great, although he did feel the extra weight. (I know well, for I have pulled it many times this summer already.) Garrett is starting to use his gears better- finally! He actually attempted riding up some of the hills we faced. (They really aren't steep, but some are long.) He did catch the back of his ankle with the pedal at one point, which makes me wince just thinking about it. I have done that, and it hurts like the dickens! Madelene claimed not to be feeling well. Unfortunately for her, this announcement came quite a ways from home, so she had to ride back. She walked a lot, saying she felt like puking. I did feel bad for her, especially since she is normally more of a rider than Garrett, but as I told her, there's not much I could do for her out there. Maggie is a friend, tried and true. She checked on Maddie, encouraged her to keep going, and stayed with her when Madelene fell behind. She's a trooper. She rode with us once before, and it was quite a ride. I think we were gone 1 1/2-2 hours. That's a lot for kids w/ no gears! She was so beat when we got back; I didn't expect her ever to want to come with us again! She surprised me with her desire to join us today. I think I will try and ride again this week with the kids. I will have to put the chariot on my bike, but it really isn't difficult. This is also the kids' last week of summer vacation, so maybe I'll wait one more week and just take Obie. I think I will get their opinion. While I do enjoy it, they don't always want to go riding. We have been out at least once every week or so. I feel pretty good about that. And as they get older and grow stronger, we'll be able to go out more on an even level. Heck, before you know it, they'll be outrunning me, telling me to keep up! |
| | Thursday, August 07, 2008 | Current mood:  sleepy Category: Blogging I admit it- I am addicted. I poo-poo video games to my kids as a waste of time, but when you can use it for your workout? (Hey, don't knock it if you haven't tried it!) I think I have played every day this week! I am getting pretty good, too! Beginner songs are a breeze, and I can get through most Basic ones without a hitch. I even have a few Difficult numbers I can pass! While the songs do start to wear on you, (many of them sound the same) the need to pass with an "A" keeps you going! Not to mention the never-ending attempts at the longest combo- my record, to date, is 379. So, it's a little geeky. What can I say? I go to bed with arrows passing through my brain and second-rate music filling my dreams. I am hooked!  | Currently listening:
The Celts
By Enya
Release date: 1995-06-27 |
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| | Thursday, July 24, 2008 | Current mood:  mellow Category: Blogging I can't believe summer is going by so fast. It seems like years ago since we went on vacation, and yet I can't believe my kids have less than a month before school starts! It's not like we haven't done anything, so it's not like I feel regret. I am simply amazed at how fast the days seem to pass anymore. I suppose in 20 more years I will say the same thing, and it will truly have changed again. |
| | Thursday, June 19, 2008 |
Category: Blogging Well, we've been home from vacation for almost a week, and I think I have finally recovered. Today is Madelene's birthday, by the way. She turned 9 today- yikes! She received a new bike for her birthday- which she picked out- and plans to ride it every day! (Watch for pics.) I guess I should go back to the beginning to chronicle this properly. I don't want to share every little detail, but I do think this event is worth keeping logged... To start with, we left C/S at 6:40 am on Sunday, June 1st. We were embarking on what should be about a 12 hour drive to Alton, IL. We knew it would take longer as we'd have to stop to feed Obie. We also forgot to take into account the hour lost in the time zone change. Did I mention Obie popped his 2 front teeth that day? (who, by the way, was an absolute angel and probably cried no more than 15 minutes total the entire day.) So, we arrived in Alton after 3 stops to feed the baby- and 1 to find the roll of cash that mysteriously disappeared from our glove box (Thanks to Garrett's skinny hands, we retrieved it from BEHIND the glove box- it had fallen inside the console of the van.) - only to find that the keys my mother had left us didn't work! Bob, being the good husband and father, had already unloaded all of our luggage onto my mom's front porch- which, incidentally had no light as it had burnt out. So, I had to drive down to the police station where my mom works to get her keys from her while Bob sat with a zombie baby, 2 hyper-from-driving-forever children, and a bunch of suitcases on the porch in the dark waiting for me to get back. Did I mention the shock our bodies were going through from the ridiculous humidity and aggravating mosquitoes, both of which we are NOT used to anymore? So, we finally get inside. It was a good thing my mom wasn't home. It was chaos. The kids were running around, freaking out like banshees, and poor Obie was so over-tired that he couln't go to sleep. I think Bob and I were laughing and crying. What a way to start a vacation! Anyway, we spent 5 muggy days in SW IL, visiting family and a few local (free) attractions and trying to stay cool. The kids did play outside a bit and would come in red-faced, sweaty, and smelly. They swore that they loved it! Friday night we actually went and stayed at a hotel with my brother and his family, as they are moving to Duluth for his job. We also stayed with their boys while they and my mom attended my niece's graduation at 8 pm Friday night. I was glad we were there and able to help make it possible for them to attend w/o worrying about the little guys, who, by the way, were quite well-behaved for us. Saturday morning, we left for WI. Can I just say we were amazing getting out of there? Bob had wanted to leave by 6 am (I laughed at this.), but of course, we had stayed up visiting w/ Matt and Heather until 1ish, I think. So, when I rolled over and saw the clock read 7:22 am, I jumped out of bed. We- as in all 5 of us- were on the road in 20 minutes!!! And all we forgot in the hotel room was Bob's very expensive Mac laptop power unit/adaptor thingamajig. (More on that later.) We made great time to WI; it felt so short, too! Ony 6 hours, even with my forgetfulness about the directions once we hit WI! So, we arrived at Bob's parent's house for a whirlwind 5-day visit that afternoon. After visiting w/ them a bit, we headed over to our 1st get-together at the Nelson's. It was great to see friends and family I haven't seen for so long, including my nephew, Jude, whom I'd never met and my niece, Molly, whom I have only seen once before. Too bad I looked AWFUL. (Didn't lose intended weight; didn't shower at the farm like I meant to; didn't buy the foundation my face desperately needed.) We did have fun, though. It was exhausting. Sunday brought about church attendance. We did go to Life Church, even though we were 1/2 an hour late, and received quite a warm welcome. (Thanks, Rachel.) We also had Mark's wedding that afternoon and Rachel's graduation party that afternoon/evening. We returned to the farm to enjoy thunderstorms and a tornado warning that night. Literally, the alarms were going off as a twister had been spotted. Bob ran up to whisk Obie out of his travel playpen (Luckily he stayed asleep.), and we all went down to the damp basement. It was great fun- really. Monday brought about more mayhem, even though we stayed at the farm all day. First of all, I received a call from my sister-in-law informing me that my mother had broken her ankle the night before and was in the emergency room. I am not even going to go into the hoo-ha involved with this ordeal, as I just makes me angry. Suffice to say, insurance companies suck, and my mother would have been treated better had she had none! Then, back at the farm, we were hearing crying all morning. It was not Obie. We figured it was a lamb outside, so Bob's mom asked him to go look for it. He found nothing. Then, Kristina and Gordon came over around noon. She, being an avid animal lover, decided to go look for it herself. When Gordon realized where she had gone (outside in the marshes), he went out as well. They went around the marsh opposite ways, and lo, and behold, he found a fawn trapped in the wire fence in 3 places, with water up to its neck. He untangled it and rescued it from the water. He carried it out and passed it to Bob to take inside the mudroom of the house. Long story short, we all were able to pet a wild deer and watch this amazing wildlife recover from hypothermia and begin moving around. Since WI doesn't allow deer to be rescued, she was placed back into nature, where, as the rescue people assured us, she would be found by her mother or adopted by a different lactating doe. It was all quite surreal. Tuesday I went to see my friend Barb down in Gurnee. We sat in a playland to visit while the kids played. It was nice, although brief. I am definitely looking forward to being at her wedding this fall. We also went to AnnaLisa's for the afternoon, and Maddie ended up having a slumber party with Allie and Leah there as well as her cousins Miranda and Megan coming over. Bob's response to having 5 girls together? "Kill me first!" Our final day included a family get-together at my sister Sarah's. This was also when Bob was supposed to get his adaptor from my sister-in-law. Unfortunately, she accidentally forgot it at her mother's house in Roselle. So, after spending a few hours visiting with my family, we followed Heather to her aunt and uncle's house, as they had retrieved the device when they had been in Roselle. It was about an hour drive for us each way, but it was, initially, Bob's fault for leaving it in Alton. So, we left WI around 9 am, fully intending to stay in a hotel that night. But, you drive so far, and then you think, "We can make it." and "Wouldn't it be nice to sleep in my own bed?" Oh, what a bold choice that is. It wasn't too bad- until about 10 pm. Obie decided that he'd had enough. He cried for a good 20-30 minutes. Have I mentioned he is the LOUDEST baby ever to have been born? Even the older kids were crying at this point. We basically told them to suck it up, and we drove on. Bob told me to get some sleep, since babies don't really know how to sleep in. I did get a little rest, although I don't sleep well in the car. Plus, Obie kept waking up every 1/2 hour or so to let us know he wasn't happy. I decided to stay up with Bob the rest of the trip around 12:30 or so. It was pitch black as we traveled through Nebraska into Eastern Colorado. At this point, it feels like you'll never arrive home. We made it through the outskirts of Denver. Can I say we've never felt so far from home? You just want to give up so badly, and yet you're so close, you can taste it! We were so giddy at this point. Bob deals with his exhaustion by satirical comments every 5 seconds. I giggle at each one; I have no other response. Well, around Castle Rock, they decided to do road construction around 2 am. We were driving on the shoulder of the road with bright lights flashing all around, praying to avoid seizures, not to mention a car crash. My blood pressure was through the roof- all I wanted was to make it home! We did make it, thank God. We pulled in at about 3:40 am, so glad to climb into our own beds. All we wanted to do was sleep forever, but Obie woke by 7:30 am. Later that day, he and Bob both took a 4-hour nap. Since returning, Obie was just started to get back to regular nap schedule. He came down with 5th disease, so we have been treating fevers and rash, along with erratic sleeping patterns. Our mail was stolen out of our mailbox. (Yes, we're the idiots who don't have a door on our box and forgot to grab the wad of mail out of it Friday evening.) Some was returned to us by a nice neighbor two blocks away and our postman, who recovered a bunch from another mailbox. We don't know what we lost, though, although there was a package in there we saw. We also recovered the empty envelopes to a wedding invitation and two credit card offers. Bob has placed a fraud alert out there for us. One day, I am going to take a restful vacation. And in case it's not restful enough, I am going to have an extra week of vacation time scheduled AFTER my vacation! I'll probably be 60 by the time this is possible, but I am still looking forward to it! |
| | Sunday, April 27, 2008 | Current mood:  hopeful Category: Blogging So I think my voice is entering a new stage of healing! For the last three days, I have been cracking like a pubescent 12 y.o. boy. At first, I was self-conscious of it, and then I realized that pitches I have not heard uttered from my lips in over three months were being sounded out of my mouth! It was great! Even my husband noticed the difference! At church today, I was able to sing alto parts- hooray! I am not stuck in the "man zone" any longer! (And I used to think it was cool that I could sing tenor.) I actually sounded like a female, and not a "female" (trans-gender) or a 70 y.o. chain-smokin' whore! I cannot begin to explain the hope that this brings to my heart! I mean, I know I have never had a super-high voice, at least not speaking voice, or sounded really squeaky and cute, but I could have been described as "throaty" and "guttural" the last couple months, and I just don't think that's cute or feminine. Also, it is just weird to open your mouth and have what comes out not sound like you! It's almost as weird as looking into the mirror after a traumatic car accident and seeing something horrific... and yet strangely familiar. You get used to you, the way you look, the way you sound. It's no wonder that my mom still thinks of herself as she was at about 30, and it's no surprise that so many senile elderly folks still think they are younger than they are, maybe 30 or 40. They'll often tell you it's 1982 or something. It's just where they picture themselves- what they remember the best. You break it to them that they're 88, it's the year 2008, and inform them they can't even walk on their own anymore, and you break their hearts... until they forget again. Who says dementia is a curse? But I am rabbit-trailing. I really did just want to log that my throat is healing, and my voice is improving. I couldn't be happier about that! |
| | Thursday, March 27, 2008 | Current mood:  frustrated Category: Blogging I feel like I am falling into the trap again of just existing because I am currently alive and breathing. I feel like there is no creative outlet being explored, and I am functioning on "automatic pilot." I hate that feeling. I think about expression a lot. I really miss singing. I tried to sing "Happy Birthday" to my husband today, and I couldn’t even hit all of the notes. I STILL sound like a 75-yr.-old chain smoker who also happens to be tone-deaf! I think about writing a lot, but when I sit down, my mind goes blank. Or sometimes I just think that what I am going to say is irrelevant anyway. And sometimes, I just don’t know that I want anyone else reading what I am thinking- time to get out the "hard copy" journal, right, Carmen? I also still have a friend’s bass guitar and amp. I think about playing it, but I never sweem to have the time. Plus, I am teaching myself, and I am not very far, so it’s not really enjoyable. Also, it’s nice to have a purpose for learning something, a reason behind the work. I had a friend who asked me about forming a band (I have sung w/ her in the past)-she’s the one who asked me about taking up the bass- but I haven’t spoken to her in months! And I should call her, but then I would have to admit that I haven’t even picked up the bass in months! On a positive note, it’s Spring Break for my kids, and we’ve been out to different parks each day this week! Yesterday we went on a hike/picnic. It was great! We’ve had lovely weather, and we’ve really enjoying getting outside, although I do have a bit of a sunburn from yesterday. We also made Easter cookies on Good Friday, which was fun. I just would like some self-expression. Of course, I always tend to put myself last on the priority list and then whine and complain about it, so I am kind of my own self-licking ice cream cone! If only I could turn that cycle around and perpetuate my own enlightenment! |
| | Tuesday, February 19, 2008 | Current mood:  sore Category: Blogging That's how long I have had laryngitis. My voice comes back in raspy sounds, then my throat gets "coated," so to say, and I'm back to no noise again. I cannot tell you how many times I have wanted to call someone or have a conversation, but I must keep quiet because 1) I can't be heard or understood anyway or 2) I will damage my throat more if I continue to use it. I have started having conversations in my brain- how sick is that? I also put up with a lot of crap from my kids simply because it's too difficult to communicate whate needs to be done. The sad thing is, I think they have figured this out, and they definitely exploit it, the brats. I have lost it a few times and either bang on furniture to get their attention or a couple times, I have tries to "yell". Boy, was that a bad idea. It didn't work, by the way. Also, I hurt more from doing that. Who knows what the long-term implications will be? At this point, I am trying to be realistic yet hopeful. I do go to see the specialist again tomorrow. I am just praying he doesn't have to stick that stupid pipe-thing in my throat again, because that thing left me raw for three days! It was agony. I just want to know what it's going to take to get my throat better again! |
| | Sunday, February 17, 2008 | Current mood: thoughtful Category: Blogging What will my children remember about me? I really can't think of anything that has defined me since their birth that would stand out. What do I want them to recall about their mother? This I may want to take into consideration. I just finished reading an article clipped from a local newpaper about my grandmother and her 57 years of fruitcake-making. Okay, I know for those of you who hate it (Who am I kidding? Me included!), you think fruitcakes are best for tossing contests, doorsteps- heck, doesn't the same one just passed around year after year? But here's the fact of the matter- my grandma has made around 1800 pounds of fruitcake this last Christmas season for devoted lovers who come back to her home year after year with no other advertising than a simple stenciled sign my grandpa puts in the front yard, and with her earnings, she buys Christmas presents for her 7 children and their spouses, 12 grandchildren and their spouses, and 16 great-grandchildren. She started making fruitcake with a friend one year for Christmas presents and hasn't missed a year since, even the year she had back surgery! And from what I have been told, if you like fruitcake, she makes a very tasty one! (James, you have had it!) My point is, this will ever be in the memories of her family. Rosalie Kovarik was known for making fruitcake! As her granddaughter, I obviously have other good memories of my grandma, but for as long as I live, the sight of fruitcake will make me think of my Grandma Rosalie. I need to keep this newspaper article, as it's a really nice write-up about her and her business- the third, I think, that's been done over the years- plus, it has her recipe (SHOCK!) in case I decide to start my own fruitcake business. How does it sound? "Amy, the fruitcake-maker," "Hi, welcome to Amy's Fruitcake Shop!," "Fruity Amy's Fruitcakes!"...LOL What is my specialty? What am I good at? What do I want to do with my life? What will my legacy be? These are questions that plague- even haunt- me because I still, at 33 years of age- have no answer for them. Why couldn't I be one of those people who knew what they wanted to be from age 3 and never wavered? I'm not saying that I hate my life or anything radical or desperate like that. I just wish I didn't feel like I was always just "going through the motions," living in "survival mode". Now, I know my grandma never said, "When I grow up, I'm gonna make fruitcake," but she always enjoyed cooking and baking, sometimes to her family's detriment. A baking business, even part-time, was a great fit for her. Talk about your early home-based business, Moms! My grandma nailed that one, even with her 7 children! I just want to feel like I am doing what I am called to do and really enjoy it! Is that asking too much? |
| | Friday, February 08, 2008 | Current mood:  sick Category: Blogging That's what the doctor ordered. I am not to talk at all until at least Tuesday of next week. Counting today, that is 4 days, not including Tuesday. And that's the earliest she wants me talking. Have I mentioned that I have had laryngitis for 2 1/2 weeks already? I cannot tell you how much this sucks. I am not a sick person. I don't believe I have ever had a viral illness for anywhere near this long! It started three weeks ago, peaked that Wednesday, when Bob took me to the ER because I had every possible cold/flu symptom known to man, and has continued with a nagging cough, sore throat, and laryngitis to this day. I have seen more doctors and taken more medication... ugh. I have to say, I have never been more dependent on my computer for communication. I feel ostracized from the world around me, and so I turn to a different world- the Internet- for communication. I have written more personal e-mails, etc., today than I have in a while, even with me working on the computer.I feel the worst for my poor, sweet baby, who has no idea why his mommy won't talk to him anymore. I smile at him, make kissing noises, clucks, and any other noise I can manage w/o using my vocal chords, but it just isn't the same. I feel especially guilty having read somewhere just the other day that a baby's verbal development is greatly affected by the number of words they hear spoken within that first year. Great, I am thinking, now I'm responsible for stunting my youngest son's speech development. I am enjoying being home w/ him, though. Each morning, when we wake up, I nurse him. Then, we head to the kitchen, where I make us both breakfast. Obie now eats baby cereal, so we sit together, he on my lap, at our kitchen table, looking out the window at the snow-capped mountains. We have been pretty busy, as I have had a lot of day-time errands to catch up. I am looking forward to having time to catch up with long-neglected friends here as well as projects at home. All in good time, I guess. |
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