Day 3, 8:42 pm
Well, I am finishing up Day 3, and I feel pretty good physically. I did a workout DVD on Friday and walked both yesterday and today. I have been hungry a few times but nothing I couldn't handle. I need to drink my tea still tonight, about which I am a little nervous, though. I woke up a couple times last with the urge to go #2. That was unnerving. This morning was worse. Now that there's nothing in my stomach, everything goes through so fast! I haven't seen any crazy build-up, so maybe that's still coming. I could just do without the "urgency."
Mentally, things are a little tougher, too. I think I did well today. I sat down with the fam for breakfast and dinner and actually sat with McD's with Obie and Maddie this afternoon during our walk. I do miss eating, but I don't NEED food at this point.
The other "mental" issue is my loving spouse. He said that he'd be supportive, but he makes a lot of wise cracks. It's hard to be strong against that; it makes me want to give up. I think he's just worried about me because it is not normal behavior to just stop eating. But it's not like I am starving myself. I am on a purposeful cleanse that will provide numerous benefits for my body. I am not anorexic and probably couldn't be for at least 70 more pounds. Bless his heart, he does love me just the way I am!
I do want to continue, though, especially if the last two days really were the worst. They weren't that bad, and I can handle more of the same, for sure, especially if it means fitting into a new wardrobe in the next couple weeks so I have enough clothes to take with me on vacation. It also would feel really good to go back home 20 # lighter. It has been so shameful to me to return to old friends and family with the same ol' "baggage" I fought so hard to lose years before. I lost it there, and so I feel like moving to CO represents failure because that's where I gained so much back. I know that is not totally true. I could've gained it back there. I could've gotten pregnant there...but I didn't. It may be all in my mind, but I still feel like everyone is waiting for us to admit that moving out here was a mistake. And while it certainly hasn't been perfect, I don't think it was.
Who know if Bob would have gotten out of framing had it not been for the move? Who knows if I ever would have gone back to school, especially in psychology? For that matter, Obie may never have been born, a thought I cannot even fathom at this point. I don't mean to sugar-coat anything, because we've faced some rough times, but I do believe God is still leading us and had His hand on our move. It's like Bonnie said at church this morning at Joseph in the Bible--when you look back at how he got where he was going, it's so obvious that God orchestrated it all. That's how I feel about my own life, too.
And that brings me right back to dealing with my weight again. You know, as much as I was happy about losing weight the last time, I never did learn to have the right perspective on food. I also was not seeking God or His help in any way back then. He has used this repeating struggle to touch my heart and call me closer to Him. I know I still have a ways to go, but I am way closer to Him than I was just a few years ago. While I can't say I would ever have wanted to gain the weight, I recognize that once again God has used it for my good, to draw me into a deeper relationship with Him. I know that, in His sovereignty, He know best; I would rather have faced this challenge to get closer to Him than have never gained the weight again and been a cold, distant Christian.
Well, I am finishing up Day 3, and I feel pretty good physically. I did a workout DVD on Friday and walked both yesterday and today. I have been hungry a few times but nothing I couldn't handle. I need to drink my tea still tonight, about which I am a little nervous, though. I woke up a couple times last with the urge to go #2. That was unnerving. This morning was worse. Now that there's nothing in my stomach, everything goes through so fast! I haven't seen any crazy build-up, so maybe that's still coming. I could just do without the "urgency."
Mentally, things are a little tougher, too. I think I did well today. I sat down with the fam for breakfast and dinner and actually sat with McD's with Obie and Maddie this afternoon during our walk. I do miss eating, but I don't NEED food at this point.
The other "mental" issue is my loving spouse. He said that he'd be supportive, but he makes a lot of wise cracks. It's hard to be strong against that; it makes me want to give up. I think he's just worried about me because it is not normal behavior to just stop eating. But it's not like I am starving myself. I am on a purposeful cleanse that will provide numerous benefits for my body. I am not anorexic and probably couldn't be for at least 70 more pounds. Bless his heart, he does love me just the way I am!
I do want to continue, though, especially if the last two days really were the worst. They weren't that bad, and I can handle more of the same, for sure, especially if it means fitting into a new wardrobe in the next couple weeks so I have enough clothes to take with me on vacation. It also would feel really good to go back home 20 # lighter. It has been so shameful to me to return to old friends and family with the same ol' "baggage" I fought so hard to lose years before. I lost it there, and so I feel like moving to CO represents failure because that's where I gained so much back. I know that is not totally true. I could've gained it back there. I could've gotten pregnant there...but I didn't. It may be all in my mind, but I still feel like everyone is waiting for us to admit that moving out here was a mistake. And while it certainly hasn't been perfect, I don't think it was.
Who know if Bob would have gotten out of framing had it not been for the move? Who knows if I ever would have gone back to school, especially in psychology? For that matter, Obie may never have been born, a thought I cannot even fathom at this point. I don't mean to sugar-coat anything, because we've faced some rough times, but I do believe God is still leading us and had His hand on our move. It's like Bonnie said at church this morning at Joseph in the Bible--when you look back at how he got where he was going, it's so obvious that God orchestrated it all. That's how I feel about my own life, too.
And that brings me right back to dealing with my weight again. You know, as much as I was happy about losing weight the last time, I never did learn to have the right perspective on food. I also was not seeking God or His help in any way back then. He has used this repeating struggle to touch my heart and call me closer to Him. I know I still have a ways to go, but I am way closer to Him than I was just a few years ago. While I can't say I would ever have wanted to gain the weight, I recognize that once again God has used it for my good, to draw me into a deeper relationship with Him. I know that, in His sovereignty, He know best; I would rather have faced this challenge to get closer to Him than have never gained the weight again and been a cold, distant Christian.
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